There are times when you present yourself as stronger than you truly feel. You smile and try to keep everything running while inside you are completely exhausted. I experienced this most strongly when my children were young.
Carrying on because everyone needs you
As a mother, I always wanted to be there for my children, miss nothing and keep everything running smoothly. Behind that strong exterior, there was sometimes pure exhaustion.
Being honest about my limits felt like failure. So I kept going. I did the housework, took the children to school and collapsed once they were in bed.
But who saw that? Who noticed that I was running on empty?
Not wanting to spoil things
My former husband did not always understand why I wanted to leave a party early. While he still had energy, fatigue fell over me like a heavy blanket.
Yet I often stayed longer. I did not want to spoil things, so I showed the cheerful version of myself—the person who was enthusiastic about everything—while my body and mind were asking for rest.
The pressure to remain strong when your energy is already gone can be deeply exhausting.
What nobody sees from the outside
Many people with acquired brain injury recognise the battle with fatigue. The outside world often cannot see it. You may look the same as before while internally everything requires more effort.
How often did I have to explain why an hour of social contact left me depleted? How often did I feel obliged to keep going while my body had long been saying that enough was enough?
That invisibility can lead to misunderstanding and the feeling that you must continually defend yourself.
Setting a boundary is strength too
Over the years, I learned that I do not always have to be strong. Admitting that you are tired or cannot manage something is not weakness.
It takes self-awareness and courage to say: “I cannot do this right now.” Real strength is not always found in struggling on, but sometimes in stopping in time and caring for yourself.
What I want to teach my children
I want my children to know that they do not have to pretend to feel differently. It is good to set boundaries and be honest about energy and emotions.
Looking back, I might have asked for help more often, left earlier or said: “I cannot manage today.” It would probably have saved me a great deal of energy.
But some lessons are learned only through experience.
Strength in vulnerability
To anyone who recognises this: you are not alone. You may show not only the strong exterior, but also the inside that is sometimes tired, overstimulated and empty.
We do not always have to carry everything. There is strength in vulnerability, and sometimes that is the most honest kind of strength there is.